Screw Windy, I'm Peter Pan.

This is just me not being able to vent how I feel to anyone about anything. I have somehow found someone who loves me. So, why am I so fucking upset? Cause all we EVER do is argue. He’s pushing me into something that I can’t do. He wants me to open up to him, like hard core just tear my fucking walls down. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to do that. But it’s just too soon for me. I love this kid, already. He understands me and he cares about how I feel about things; But he says that he has nothing to work with because I’m shutting him out. He says that he wants to be in those walls with me, not looking at it. Which is very sweet. I can see myself falling in love with him. and it scares the fucking dog shit out of me. But I know that we were meant to be together. Everyone swears that Johnathon is gonna come to his senses but, I don’t believe that shit for one hot second. Its gonna be too late when he does realize it. and for once in my life, I’m okay with that. I’m only okay with it because of the sheer fact that Zach makes me feel like a princess. (: <3

Don’t get me wrong, last night was nothing short of amazing. But I regret how far things went. I regret thinking that what I did was okay. I….feel sick to my stomach now, and dirty. There’s nothing more that I’d want to do right this minute than throw myself off a ciff because last night made me realize, that I’m no better than everyone else. I’m scum. Or, at least I feel like it. I’m chasing after something that I know damn well I can’t have. Why am I tourchering myself like this, again? And, I have nobody to talk to about this. NOBODY. God, I feel like dying.

I don’t know what it is about guys with piercings, tattoos, and that shitty attitude. But something about it, makes me wanna hop that dick. HARD.

Please. Tell me why I thought it would be a good idea to spill my heart out to Johnathon. Now, all I can do is cry. I fucking hate life. My life specifically. Mmmm, I need to talk to someone.

Some fucking friend you are.

Today you came over, sat on my couch and watched Jerry Springer and Maury with me. We talked about the animals we wish we could have a future tattoos we planned on getting. We talked about having kids one day and how we would raise them to be little metal heads like us. Today, was another day I felt like I fell even more for you. Today, we talked about how annoying the kids in our english class are. And how we wish that the girl that sits in front of us on the bus didn’t smell like nasty ass jerky. We laughed about the gay guy on Jerry Springer, and how he was a fairy. Today, was what I’ve always wanted out of a relationship. Me and you, on the couch in our chill clothes talking about the bullshit of the world. That is exactly what makes me love you. <3

HOLY COW SHIT.